RENT

This past weekend I saw RENT the musical. Finally! Wow, it was incredible. And I got to share it with my wonderful boyfriend, which made it even more amazing.

Afterwards I was thinking about which character I most identify with. Is it the impulsive and feisty Mimi? Some would say yes. Or do I identify with Angel, the one who brought the group together and gave of herself regardless of how anyone treated her? Well, I certainly wish I was more like that. Or am I Roger, recovering from something tragic, something I need to move on from and stop being victim to…but want to still hide behind? Perhaps somewhat. But sadly, I think for me, I am most like Mark. The one who longs for community and gets caught up in it at times, but doesn’t create it himself and finds a way to stay on the outside. It’s like a false sense of belonging – surrounded by people, but finding a way to be on the outside. For him it’s a video camera. For me, I don’t know what I use. Excuses? Work? Busyness.

Sometimes I feel how Mark's character does. I see a musical like RENT, and I desperately crave those sorts of friendships. And a group that loves and supports and challenges like they do. And I have groups of friends who indeed do that, but I can’t let myself fully enter into them. I hold back. Stay reserved. Sitting on the sidelines and entering in on my terms, when I want, how I want.

And it makes me wonder...how much community out there is 'real'? Or are there many "Mark's" in this world? Sometimes the thing I've thought was true community was actually a group of people afraid of stepping out beyond their safe & secure walls to be known by, and to know, others. Not all community is real. And I suppose that not all community is worth being a part of.

It would be an interesting study, because more often than not, I have a hunch most people would self-identify with Mark and feel on the 'outside' of their community...when many others within the community would look at that same person as an integral part of it.

What do you think?