"It's only love if you can tell me no."

Powerful words from a sermon a couple weeks ago that really grabbed my attention. God didn't force us to follow him, obey him, trust him, or choose him. That wouldn't be love. Love is only love when we have a choice to say 'no'.

I would say that this is definitely something I didn't understand until about 3 years ago, something I didn't want to accept until about 1.5 years ago, and something I didn't like until about 3 months ago.

You see, I have always been so scared of people 'abandoning' me. You know, being a great friend for a while and then poof! moving on to someone or something else. And I really started working through that, and trusting people again, and then when this sermon hit my ears, I realized something. I have arrived. Not Arrived - we will never fully Arrive. But I have arrived at a place where people don't have as much power over me to hurt me or scare me anymore. Yes there are days, but overall, if I am in a meeting and I feel criticized or attacked from those who are supposed to care about me, it no longer hurts like it used to. It hurts, but in a healthy way.

Because they have a choice.

They have a choice to love me for the good and the bad, the great days and the not-so-great ones.

And they have a choice to change their mind about me. A choice to not think the friendship is worth it anymore. A choice to tell me no.

And you know what? That actually feels good.

Because I have learned how to love. I have learned how to let go when the person says no.