Anger is ugly

So, this weekend. What can I say?? I went back to my hometown for my birthday, and it really may have been the worst birthday ever. It wasn't all bad, but it wasn't that special, either.

And so this whole thing about unmet expectations reared its ugly head, and I am so, so angry right now. Saturday was bad, Sunday was worse, and today, Monday morning, it just was the final straw.

And what is it about the people you love the most being the ones who leave the biggest gashes on your heart? I mean, I would think that my family should be a safe place, not the place that leaves me broken and crying. All the scars on my heart that I thought were healed and sealed were ripped open again, and now I am alone, angry, and trying to let go.

Today's verse of the day was interesting in light of everything I said to (shouted at) God last night:
""Who can hide in secret places so that I cannot see them?” declares the Lord. “Do not I fill heaven and earth?” declares the Lord."
Jeremiah 23:24

I guess I can't hide from God, but being straight up with him about all of this is hard. Because I see the darkness, the ugliness in my heart. And I can't right now conceive how he can see beauty and light in there. How Jesus can really take my place.