Oh, the randomness...

Just my thoughts on life, love, and the pursuit of Jesus.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Following (at all costs)

Some days it feels so very hard to follow Jesus. You know, to truly love someone more than we love ourselves, to honestly listen and hear someone when they speak instead of jumping in with our response before they finish theirs, to be willing to give up our 'hard-earned' money to give to someone who has none, to turn the other cheek when someone slaps us (emotionally or physically) and not give in to the shouting match or give in to slapping them right back.

This week I've had a lot of 'drama' with friends, and it's gotten to the point that it has distracted me while at work. Not cool! Anyways, one dear friend who came over to visit me Tuesday night when she heard the hurt I had in my heart decided that the reason that sometimes these things happen to me is that I am too nice. (I guess meaning that no matter how mean someone gets with their words to me, I do my best to bite my tongue and not attack back, knowing I would cause them the equal amount of hurt they have caused me. I've stood by people during times when they have given no reason for me to trust that they have any best interest for me or their other friends at heart.)

Don't get me wrong,I've also been the friend that causes pain. We've all said spiteful things, lashed out when we should have loved, cried in self-pity when we should have stood up, dusted off, and moved on.

But what I have come to realize this week is that it's not about me. It's not even so much about my feelings. When someone attacks in word or in deed, sure, it will hurt. And it's OK that it hurts. But, would Jesus have sat around crying and agonizing about it? Or would he have chosen love?

It's hard for me to know what is being a doormat and what is love. To separate giving someone another chance, and giving someone too many chances. To open your heart to friendship knowing that it will get dinged up along the way (pastor Jeff preached a great sermon about that, I need to find the link and post it on here!), versus opening your heart to a friendship you know is simply emotionally abusive.

I've decided that while I need to do what protects me from abuse from others, I also need to still give people chances and respond in love. I honestly don't believe anyone can be 'too nice'. We are called to love and give ourselves away. And when it's refused? Jesus has been through it, too. When we're walked over/trampled on/accused of false things/misunderstood? Jesus has been there, too.

When we feel all alone and ask God where he is and why we feel so alone?

Jesus was there, too. Rest in that truth. He has been there, and he is with you. Yahweh.

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