Changing You, Changing Others

You can’t make someone else change. Nothing you can do can make another person change.

That’s a tough concept for me. Especially when you see someone with so much potential for growth in their life, and you see clearly that God is putting things in their life for growth, but they aren’t choosing it.

But that does mean…the only person you can make change is yourself. What areas do you need to grow in? I’ve realized a couple of obvious ones for myself, particularly with limiting myself and limiting God.

I have such a hard time believing in myself. I know the things I am gifted with, but it’s hard for me to imagine I can really do ‘great things’ (defined in a variety of ways) with them. But that means I really am also doubting and limiting God. He can use anyone to do his work: the greatest and the least, the rich and the poor, the fundamentalist and the emergent. :)

I also realized lately that I quite often buy into the lie that God is holding out on me. “If only I had ‘this’, life would be better. My neighbor has ‘that’, why can’t I?” And I subconsciously place that on God and say that if he really loved me, he would give me these things. But that’s just not true. It’s because God loves me that I am exactly where I am, confusion and all. Confused about what is next in my life. What I’m supposed to do with my life. What God is calling me to.

The biggest lie that I’m buying into right now, and I know it eyes wide open though don’t know how to get past it, is that I can ever really be in a relationship with someone. Ha – I told one of my friends the other day that I don’t think I’m going to get married because I have too many issues for someone to deal with…and his response was priceless. “So, deal with them.” So straightforward and direct, and so true. It’s what I needed to hear. But more than that, I just don’t think I can do it.

Yesterday I spent time at one of my favorite local coffee shops, with one of the awesomest couples I know. They never make you feel uncomfortable to be around them; you never feel like a third wheel. Their love is so amazing it’s actually tangible in the air around them. I love that about them, and I love that their love for each other is something that I truly believe enables each of them to be used by Jesus even more. That is what I want in a relationship with someone. And yet, I left their somewhat sad because I can’t do it. I don’t know if I bring myself to ever open myself up to someone that much. Or if I believe I can have what they have. I don’t know, I just know that I really, really don’t believe I can do it. Somewhere is a small voice telling me that’s a lie, but I have a hard time not believing it. And it gets me so frustrated.

*sigh* I’m just way too good at taking care of others and yet am simultaneously scared for what it looks like for someone to take care of me. Why can’t I let my guard down? Why can’t I find that calming presence? Why can’t I believe that my gifts and personality will be enough for someone, while not being too much, either? Help my disbelief.

Didn’t someone else say that once? In the Bible? Help my disbelief. I’m pretty sure Jesus rewarded that request. A friend in Orlando has said a couple of times that Jesus loves our bold prayers. So I’m going bold, and I’m asking for help in my disbelief. In my lack of trust. In my constant trying to put him in a box.

Let’s be bold.

Let’s ask for help changing ourselves into the people Jesus calls us to be.

Loving.

Patient.

Kind.

Generous.

Holding our tongues. Slow to anger. Quick to love.