Changes

It seems like lately, the only constant in my world is change. Health changes, friends change and move away, jobs change, co-workers change jobs, churches change, priorities change, relationships change, goals change, dreams change…It’s no wonder sometimes we get exhausted keeping up with all the changes!

I’ve changed a lot, myself. Not just the things around me, or the things that affect my every day (like my health, job, friends, etc.) but the very core, the very heart of me, has changed. I’ve got new priorities, new dreams, and many of them are just being discovered. I’ve been finding that I have more capacity for patience and kindness than I thought, and I’ve been really able to find contentment. And I like this woman I’m evolving into, and yet I feel something is missing. I don’t know what it is, but I wish I did. Maybe it’s something else inside that needs to change?

I’ve had a most interesting week. I was attending an awesome Christian conference that I usually get a lot of energy from. I found myself, though, feeling really detached and empty. Then I got some more health-related news and it just pushed me over the edge. Later that night I talked to God about it all, and eventually calmed down and came to realize that I will be OK. That this is a fleeting thing. That I am loved. And that that is enough. And the strangest thing is, the ‘harder’ life gets, the more and more I am convinced of and see God’s love. Despite the fear I sometimes have lately, I see more and more that I have no reason to fear. God did something big in my heart this week, just in a different way I would have ever imagined.
He’s changing me. From the inside out, and I’m resting in that. I’ll admit, I’m extremely weary right now. I feel I could sleep for a week straight and still be exhausted. And I don’t like this feeling. Because on the inside, I’m radiant and alive, yet my body fails the energy to show that.

So I’m asking God to keep working on the stuff on the inside, so that when my body is healed and I have the energy again, that I no longer feel empty in the way that I have the past few weeks. I’m glad I’ve found contentment, and what I want back now is the desire for more. The mission and passion for the things I’m involved in every day. And more than anything, I want the energy back so I can love my friends well.


May God be your every constant through the inevitable changes.