Wifey in Training...

haha what a way to title a post! I'll get to the explanation...really...

So as I climb into bed, between fresh, clean sheets, I feel content. At peace. Tonight, I conquered my house. I watered the lawn, made dinner and did the dishes, cleaned the fridge (even scrubbed the shelves etc!), did laundry, cleaned the kitchen, my bathroom (even bleached the shower!), cleaned my bedroom, bills are all paid and sorted into their respective folders, did ironing, and organized my closet. First by length of sleeves, then by color. Mmm-hmmm. No, I am not obsessive, why do you ask?

And it got me to thinking...see, I am a single gal, 25 years old, working a managerial job, volunteering on weekends when I can, dedicated to my family, going to grad school, and owning a house. I cannot do it all alone, but somehow I get through. And I realized that if I could write books, one of them would be wifey in training. Because I am sick of the ultra-conservative view that I am not complete until I am married. I hear this alot, from well-meaning women, who just want me to be happy...because apparently I can't be happy without a husband! But I am also not for the ultra-feminist/individualistic approach that we can be strong on our own and don't need a guy...I think it's a balance. And so I look at my life, and realize I am indeed a wife in training because I am learning to run and balance a household...albeit that I fail miserably alot of the time... But I am not putting my life on hold, either. I am moving forward in my career, earning my Master's, stretching myself and growing. And I feel like that will make me an even better wife. I will not sit idly in this stage of life - I am enjoying it immensely. So my book would be about defining the new woman, the wifey in training of today. And who knows when my someday will be, the day I have someone to navigate through this life with me, for us to make decisions together, pursue God together, etc. But until then, I am pressing on.

And the picture is of me and Kelly, a little girl I know well. Her parents are dear friends of mine, and if I can be half of the mom Kelly's mom is, I will be one lucky lady. This was taken 2 days before Kelly's 5th birthday, and she just touches my heart so much. She reminds me alot of me when I was little: spunky, energetic, charming, able to get her way (go youngest children!), stubborn, determined, independent.

On to more serious stuff...because I can't seem to not ponder while on this blog...

I was reading back through my prayer journal tonight, on a break from cleaning, and came across this. I wrote these questions on the plane ride to Brasil at Christmastime...I was coming out of my "Land Between" and my heart finally felt full. I had been running on E, in every respect. Especially in my spiritual life. Finally, it was time to ask the big questions:

• What if God is bigger than I let him be?
• And not if, but what if I accept that? What if I let him consume me?
• What if God isn't safe? Does he have to be safe to be good?
• What would it look like to let go of what others think and how I should be, and instead let God continue making me, me?
• What if all that matters is following him? Not controlling life or situations or outcomes, but rather embracing God in the midst of them?
• What if God truly longs for me? Wants to spend time with me?

Those rocked my world, and brought to where I am today, 8 months later. I am still asking big questions today, something I didn't always feel allowed to do.

It's bedtime for me, and so I end tonight with this prayer:

"God, thanks for creating us. For creating us simply because you love us. I love you so much. I lift up my friends and family, Lord. I pray for safe travels for the friend embarking on a trip and for the friend currently overseas...give them great experiences and bring them home safely. Please be with A&Ms little boy, waiting to be adopted by them and to come home. Move the process along as quickly as you can, though everything in your great timing. Help JJ find a job, and though I want to be selfish and keep her here in GR, I want what is best for her, even if that means Chicago. Wrap your arms around her. Lift up the Lacey family, keep them strong with Rob home with you. Thanks for all my friends who are on a break from grad classes, and please use this time to refresh us to start again next week. Be with Mom and Dad, give them patience and grace and love. Be with M&H, give them a safe trip to NY this weekend. And finally, thanks for the fun weekend I get to have - give us safe travels to Cedar Point and to Chicago. You have blessed me so richly, and I want so desperately to give back to you. May my desire to bless you, truly bless you. Amen."