So, a while back I went to counseling for a little while to work through some things, you know, some scars and wounds I had from growing up. Things i hadn't resolved, and things that hindered me in my journey as a Jesus-follower. She told me to write a letter to the person who had hurt me, and never give it to them, but to write it for my sake. Back then, I did it. And the letter had alot of questions and sadness and self-pity. But now, 25 years old, I am a healthy young adult. I am healed, I have worked through this junk from the past and while it will always be a part of my history and part of what makes me who I am, I have moved past it. So this is how my letter would read now...

Unsent Letter
To: Anonymous
From: Yours truly

If I could go back in time, I wouldn't let you talk that way to me. I wouldn't settle for being, or simply feeling, second-rate. You would love me the way you were supposed to: fully, completely, for all that I am and all I will be as God molds me. You'd be proud of me, even if I did my best and it didn't make me first.

But no, you had to tear at my confidence, at my core, you had to shred me until nothing was left but a shell of the girl I once was. And I resented you for that. I let anger fill my heart, and Jesus didn't have much room around that anger - it forced him out until one day, I looked in the mirror, and I didn't recognize what I saw. I was...

Scared.

Alone.

Afraid.

I was becoming you. I was so critical! No one could ever be good enough.I treated my friends the way you had treated me. I started hearing your voice even when I went off to college. 'Try harder, no one will like you if you aren't the best. You'll never be good enough. I wish you were more like her and less like you.'

[stage left] Enter healing....

I learned what grace was. The foundation of my faith that I had never grasped, that I had run from for a long, long time. And I let love in - friends who cherished me for who I was. Who believed in me when I could not believe in myself. Your lies could no longer torment me - they had no hold on me.

Now I know why you did it. I see how you were treated that way and how the cycle continues. But I refuse to let it - I will not stand idly by. I love you, which is why I forgive you and try daily to show you what love can be and what grace is. I want you to experience the peace, the liberating peace, that I have! Love - unconditional - that is my prayer for you. I want to give it. Oh, my heart breaks to know you do not know the freedom and love and joy that I know. I am a whole person, and that is the greatest gift I can imagine!!!! And yet you are not whole, nor, do I fear, will you ever be. That saddens me - I want you to know a life free from the pain and fear of the past. I want you to know love.

I love you.
I love you.
I love you.

If I have to say it forever, I will. I am sorry for disliking you back then, for hating the words you spoke to me instead of trying to understand your hurt and where you were coming from.

I still hope you can be proud of me, for the woman I am becoming. But if not, that's ok. Our love is imperfect - only God's love is perfect.

And he loves me.

And he loves you.

"Take refuge, o my soul, in his everlasting love."

Love,
Melinda Sue
p.s. I never liked that nickname you had for me, but it was the one term of endearment you had for me, and so I shall forever treasure it now. I will always be Melinda Ann, but in your eyes I will be your Melinda Sue, and I will cherish the times we laughed and danced around the house with you laughing, holding me tight, and calling me your Melinda Sue.