Oh, the randomness...

Just my thoughts on life, love, and the pursuit of Jesus.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Character Traits

Who I want to be. I’ve been thinking about this a lot. About the character I want to have – about who I want people to say that I am. I don’t really care if I’m known for my athletic achievements, or my business achievements, or the number of degrees I have. Those are fine things, but what matters more to me is my heart and how I love people.

Life is a journey. I’ve taken some steps towards some of these perhaps, but I know I still have a long way to go. Last night at Lifeline we talked about why it’s important to look back and to look forward, and so as my birthday is approaching (only 3 months away. What is it too early to start counting down??) :) I’m looking forward at who I want to become as I mature and become more of who Christ made me to be.

I want to be:
A good steward
Generous & Giving
A lover of people
A prayer warrior

There are many wonderful character traits, but these are the ones that come to mind when I look at what is most important to me. What are the things you want to be known for?

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Letting Go

A journey.
So much beauty.

My friends, for those who have known me well the past couple of years, you will know that while I grew up in a Christian household and absolutely believing in God and enjoying an incredibly close relationship with him, it wasn't until my college years that I really began exploring my faith. The concept of grace was not clear to me until my college friends chose to love me and pour into me despite the times I hurt them and hurt myself.

Then in my first job, God blessed me with an amazing friend to help further that growth in me. To provide a safe place for questions and searching and falling and getting back up again.

I used to really value stability. Change was scary for me because I was so scared to lose these wonderful blessings.

But now, I'm not sure how I feel about it. Not scared per se...maybe numb? Maybe peaceful? See, my best friend from work now lives in the UK, and so seeing him and his wife will be really hard to do. And there are moments I wonder how I'll make it through without that friend being here.

And now in a couple weeks, my best friend and roommate from college will move to Colorado. She and I have had not enough time together the past couple of years. We've taken for granted the fact that we live so close together. And now I will miss her. She is a huge part of my history and my faith journey, and vice versa. And I want her as a part of my future.

Letting go can be so hard sometimes. We had some people who had to leave yesterday, here at work. They will be missed. They will miss the stability and security they had here.

What would I do in that situation? I can't say for sure, but I can say that the older I get, the more OK i am with letting go of people I love. Because I've learned that distance doesn't have to get in the way. We can still love each other and be in each other's lives, no matter what. And God always provides for every need. Yours and mine. And he will not fail us.

Monday, March 03, 2008

Unlocking the Basement Door

Sunday’s message at church – a good one. (As always!) But this one really stuck out to me right now. Jeff was talking about the final 3 traits that Peter instructs us to add to our faith in 2 Peter 1:3-9. Godliness, brotherly (and sisterly!) kindness, and love.

He explained godliness as bringing every region of our lives under God’s domain. I struggle with this – I don’t have a hard time giving the ‘areas’ over to God – like time, finance, relationships, etc. But, when I feel anxiety from one of those areas, it’s like I take the anxiety or worry out from under his domain and think I can handle it on my own. But it’s clear I can’t, and shouldn’t.

Next, brotherly kindness. My big takeaway was about how God uses people to do his work. That He cares for his children through other children. And it reminds me that I need to do things when I feel prompted to, because I never know if that instance is one where God is using a child of his to help another. And same for each of you – don’t underestimate those promptings.

Finally, love. He talked about the verse about ‘love your enemies’…and one phrase I see I’ve written down in my notes at church was ‘love might not change ‘your enemy’, but it will change you’. And while that’s true, there are also those moments when loving them also does change them.

My friends, our growth affects those around us. It affects us, but it also affects others. I’ve seen this very clearly with my high school girls. I have some areas in my life that recently were brought to light as areas that I need to work through. I need to let go of some past hurts and confront (lovingly, gently) some people who have wronged me. If I don’t, then these detrimental attitudes and actions that I’ve been living out will continue, and my girls will continue to see that and they may model their behavior after me. I will not teach them well, for what I have to offer isn’t the best of me. I haven’t been transformed in those areas, and I desperately want to. My actions affect them. And it made me realize that if I am lucky enough to get married and have kids someday, it will also affect my spouse and my kids.

Some tough stuff in there – as in, easy to pinpoint what to do, but tough to actually do it. It will require a lot of grace, confidence, humility, and peace. Yet God has given us everything we need. So, what will we do with it?