Oh, the randomness...

Just my thoughts on life, love, and the pursuit of Jesus.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Taking a Break.

Not that many of you reading this will miss my non-insightful thoughts on the world :) but I wanted to just say that I am taking a break. A break from what, you ask? Good question. :)

A break from my online social communications. I really think that breaking from blogging, MySpacing, Facebooking, and IMing will really be good for me. I can't give up the email, or the phone, because those are vital to me. And I have to IM for work, so I guess I can't fully avoid that...but I need to retreat.

I need to create more space for God, and I honestly feel empty right now. I just don't have anything to give right now.


Sometimes, I think I let the little things get in the way of the big things. Right now, life seems too big to grasp, and I fill my time with everything but Jesus. I need to change that, and I need to focus on him more. Without Him in me, I have nothing in me to offer to anyone. I want to be a good friend, and a good colleague. Currently, I don't possess the strength to be either.

I am still here, and am not going anywhere; but overall, i don't have the strength to reach out and so I am turning inward. I don't know what result this will produce, but I know that the most important thing to me is being where God wants me to be, and currently, I am not even seeking him to find out.

So I guess, um, see you all, sometime, when i return to this blog....someday....

Friday, November 24, 2006

A Friend

So, I have a dear friend who has a blog and every so often he posts about his friends and family who are dear to him. I used to threaten him that I would be so mad if he ever used my name on his blog; but to be honest, it was a self-defense mechanism. I guess I figured that I wouldn't have to be hurt that he never mentioned me if I had told him not to...

And like a true friend, Cam respected my wishes. Mostly... :)

Cam has been on my heart lately, and I feel the need to tell you what my defintion of a true friend is. Cam is one of the best examples of that. Let me introduce you to one of the best friends I have ever known...

Cam is the kind of guy who lights up a room. His laugh is treasured by all those who hear it - they think of Cam and they think of laughter and good times. I worked with him when he was here, and was lucky enough to have my officle across from his. It made for great fun when we could make faces at each other when Ben came by or when a crazy media call came in. Or when I was just being weird and dancing to my music.

But what I think of and treasure most about Cam is his dedication. When I met Cam, I was just finding out who I really was. I was free from past stereotypes, God was taking control of my heart in a big way, and I was still walking the line of being who my parents wanted me to be versus who I wanted to be. As I went on my journey, slowly Cam became a part of it and was always the first to be there to support me when I made a tough decision or encourage me when I felt stuck.

Then one day, Cam wasn't at work. And another. And when he was back, he wasn't himself. It was the start of his painful journey of divorce. And it was so hard to watch: the life would slip out of him and he went to great lengths to fight, to hold on, and to heal.

Before him, I never had any divorced friends. God used Cam to show me what being labeled 'divorced' should and should not look like. And yet, despite Cam going through the most hellish ordeal of his life, he was always there for his friends. He always gave time to me, no matter what was going on in his world.

Before I met Cam and my other close friends, it is fair to say I was a self-focused, self-absorbed person. But Cam showed me what it means to stick by others and to think of them first. And I realized I wanted to be that kind of person, that kind of friend.

If you look at the links on the right of this page, you will see Cameron's blog. He is author of a book that tells of his journey through divorce, called With or Without You. Friends, I highly recommend you follow his journey. He has an incredible heart and an incredible spirit, and your life will be enriched to know his story...

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

I work at the best company:

A simple prayer. A simple recognition.
Being rewarded for hard work with an extra half day off in December.
Flexible hours to meet our lifestyle needs.

Could they be any better to us? Z is a great place to work, and I need to remember to be grateful for that every single day.

Last night, as I was searching inside of myself, connecting my heart with my head, a friend gave me a great part of a verse: Psalm 73.28 "the nearness of God is my good" (NASB).
After dialoguing a little about that, I understood more of what it meant. It's a beautiful Psalm, and I will excerpt a portion below (from the TNIV). :)

Ps 73:25 Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
27 Those who are far from you will perish; you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
28 But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds.

I want God to be my portion forever. May he be your portion this Thanksgiving, as you gather together and create community, whether with family or friends.

Make time to be still.
And rest in that stillness.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006


Does anyone else here love irony? Tonight I called one of my closest friends, one of the people God has used to show me love and community and true friendship. I wanted to talk to him, I missed, I wanted to encourage him.

Instead, after some time hearing about him and his world, he ends up encouraging me. He speaks truth to me, that I am enough. Just as I am. I don't have to be anything more, I am enough as I am.

God ministered to me in those words. Let them be enough for you too.

You are enough. Just as you are.
So, I am trying to post more frequently, daily if possible, because it challenges me and stretches me. Not only in hopefully improving my writing, but in forcing myself to share who I am with the world. I want to know, and be known. My hope is that this blog is a place for me to connect with you and with God, and a place for you to connect with each other and to find encouragement. So here goes, my thoughts for today:

"Father which way do you want me to go? I cannot clearly see…"
These words echo in me. I send them out to God each day...because each day is in the living, and the being led moment by moment. And someday I will hear these words on earth, while for now I hear them from my heavenly Father: "You don’t have to be strong, you’re not alone in this anymore."

I am so glad I am not alone.

And yet, this weekend, my roommate moved out and I found myself alone on Sunday, doing mundane chores around the house.

I raked the lawn and cleaned gutters for 3 hours, cleaned out the fireplace and prepared the next fire for when I return from Thanksgiving holiday. I vacuumed and dusted the house, painted my old roommates bedroom so it is ready as a guest room, made the bed in there, cleaned out the closet, added empty hangers for guests to use, and scrubbed/cleaned the guest bathroom.

And while I realized that I would rather have been in the presence of good friends, or sitting inside drinking hot cocoa, I found so many spiritual insights in the basic work I did yesterday.

First, as I raked the leaves and cleaned the gutters in preparation for the winter, I thought about how without tender care, my lawn would die and not be protected for the winter. God has given me the responsibility of caring for his creation, and that includes the land I live on. I need to take care of it, to show my gratitude to God for his gifts, and to be responsible with what he entrusted to me.

Cleaning out the fireplace reminded me how something so beautiful and radiant can also leave behind an ugly mess. And it challenged me to not be fooled by outward appearances of people; no matter how beautiful they can appear to be, some people can come into our lives and leave a mess behind. But God can restore, and he can help us scrub the black away, and prepare for a new fire to be lit in our heart.

As I prepared the guest room, it made me realize how much I love taking care of people. I cherish the idea of inviting people into my home, and making them comfortable while they stay. It's one of the reasons I have a house, because I like taking people in and hope they leave with their hearts just a little bit fuller.

Basically, Sunday came down to mind over matter. I can choose to sit inside and waste time feeling sorry for myself, for not knowing where I am meant to be going in this life, for not having anyone to share this home with, for having too much stinking homework to do and not knowing where to start...

Or I can say, God, you have given me much, and for much I owe you. I will take these gifts and responsibilities, and cherish them. I want to be diligent in the small things so I can be diligent in the big things. You ask this of me, and I gladly submit.

When you find yourself alone, doing a mundane chore or task, remember the reasons we have them. Contemplate on the joy that comes from simply doing tasks as a thank you to God for what he has given you.

And don't forget to light that fire at the end of the day, and enjoy some moments in reflection and relaxation...

Monday, November 20, 2006

Restore me. (A prayer).

Lord, I need you. This heart; it is nothing without you. I am waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

Enter in. Take this life, Lord. I want to be wholly yours. Help me to give to others even when I am tired, to serve you when I don't feel like it, to love those I meet, and to see you in unlikely places and people.

I love you, Lord. Though my spirit feels wane, and my body is tired, and my heart is even now faltering...I know you walk beside me. You give me treasures unheard of: a beautiful house to make a home and welcome people to, friends who love me, a family who will not leave, wonderful half-sisters I didn't know for 23 years, a birth mom who gave up her 'life' for me, a prayer support network few can dream of...nothing can take those away.

And yet, I feel restless. I look around me, and I see people with direction. People who have a clear future and a clear path to walk. And I admit, I am envious. I want to know where you want me so I can do your work!

Yet, there; there you are. You come and remind me that daily, by choosing you, I am right where you want me. You are revealing yourself even now, and you will lead me in the paths you want me to travel. Give me peace each day as I look to you for guidance.

Ah, there is it. Rest.

Restore me, Lord.

Restore me.

Restore me.

My Life is Unwritten.

Ever have one of those days when you wake up and the world around you doesn’t seem new, fresh, or full of a million possibilities? All of us have those moments, where we wonder “what else is there?” and “there’s got to be more”. But too often, we let ourselves get in our own way.

If I am honest, sometimes life scares me. I get worried I will never do anything to make my life count, that I will never make a difference. I wonder if I am destined to be extraordinary, like the people we read about in the Bible. I get scared that I will crack under the pressure of what God calls me to do, of the gifts and talents he has given me that I know I need to use for his glory. Does anyone else ever feel like that?

But then I am reminded that every day brings a new opportunity. A new opportunity to grow into the image of Christ, a new opportunity to learn to be humble, a new chance to change the direction of your journey: the day before you is unwritten. And I know that God is here with me as I take this next step of the journey, but if I wake up and have a spirit of fear, I don’t have to be content with that. I can change it, and I can mark out the path for my day to not be determined by that fear, or sadness, or longing, or anxiety. Sometimes, I truly do believe we need to feel the fear, sadness, longing, anxiety…these are all traits God created in us. But we are to feel them in righteous ways: righteous anger at the injustice we see and we cause; sadness for the way the world is broken when it could have been so great; longing to be with our Maker, our Creator; anxiety…hmmm...I don’t actually see a place for this one. Anyone got any ideas?

I leave you all with my prayer from today, may you find some comfort knowing that others feels this way sometimes, and that God hears our prayers.

"God, you know I am scared, and I want to run right now. I want to get away from people, this place, my responsibilities, but most of all my thoughts. I could think myself dizzy, we both know that! I need to hear you, not me. Your voice, oh God, please let it in to the quiet place. Help me to create the quiet place so i can hear your voice. Give me the direction I need. As I see others around me realizing their dreams, it is hard not to be jealous. Yet, what is my dream? Besides serving you? I fear not having a direction, because then where do I go to? You are teaching me, even now, to trust you. To lean on you daily for direction, not to plan it all out. 'See what happens. Trust me.' These things you ask of me...can I do it? I will try.

I love you, Lord. Please continue to break through my walls, and my fear. Amen."

Friday, November 17, 2006

"I call it preparing, but God calls it running."

A friend of mine shared that with me this week, and I have to admit, it struck me quite fiercely. How many times do I make plans, because I am afraid to 'just do it' (as Nike says)...and so in reality, what I am doing is running from God's direction?

It is so easy to run when we are scared. It's easy to hide when we know we've made a mistake. But sometimes our pride gets in the way and then it isn't so easy to ask God for help.

As much as we run from God, he is always there waiting to take us back. He doesn't force us to come back, because that is control, not love. He knows we need to be humbled and we need to turn ourselves and come back to him. But still, it blows my mind.

Last night, I thought some unkind thoughts toward someone. And later I realized that I would have a hard time forgiving someone if they had those thoughts about me. And I wondered if God looks at this world he created and shakes his head, thinking "But it was supposed to be so different..." But even if he does, even though he sees how things were meant to be, he still loves us and forgives us. He waits patiently for our return, and sees us beyond the sin we carry.

If that doesn't give us reason to rejoice, I don't know what does.

Psalm 145
A psalm of praise. Of David.

1 I will exalt you, my God the King;
I will praise your name for ever and ever.

2 Every day I will praise you
and extol your name for ever and ever.

3 Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise;
his greatness no one can fathom.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

I am not ready for this...
But I am really excited for this...
I love decorating for Christmas! And after next week, it's fair game.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

For a while now, I’ve been working on how I would organize my thoughts to tell the world my story, and how it fits into The Story. So, I am going to post some excerpts on what will be a book someday. Any feedback would be great! My goal is to write the different sections through the perspective of different people involved – I want the reader to feel like they’re reading a good novel, not just an autobiography. I know I need to develop more the role God played in this part of Carrie's life, but feel free to give me pointers. I don't claim to be a good writer! And while this may never be submitted to a publisher, I will have it as a legacy and a present to my future children. So they can see how their story began…
Enjoy Part 1!

She was 19. Carrie had lived a good and full life, and now it was even more complete. The 3rd of 4 daughters, she had accepted Jesus into her life. Life didn’t seem much different at first, but she had no idea the roller coaster ride she was in for.

During her 20th year, while at school to become a beautician, Carrie met a man. Not just any man, a wonderful man named Paul* who was the talk of the small New Jersey town because of his charm, good looks, and way with women. He would come by the mall where Carrie worked, and as she was talking to her friends, he would beam that charming smile that made them all giggle like 12 year olds. Finally, he asked Carrie out on a real date, and they hit it off. He owned his own restaurant, came from a good Italian family, had siblings and a plan for his future. Over the next few dates, Carrie decided she liked this man, although sometimes is stories didn’t add up. She could ignore that and overlook it, but there was one thing she couldn’t dismiss. His pressure to move forward sexually in ways she wasn’t willing to give.

As she started to get a little more nervous about the relationship, she found herself going out with Paul yet again. This night was different, though. He took her back to his place after dinner and poured her a glass of sweet wine; wine so good it went down without second thought. She didn’t realize, but Carrie’s glass never seemed to empty. And before she knew it, things were happening she didn’t want but was incapable of stopping.

She fled his house is shame and terror, after calling her dad, and she was staggering down the blustery winter road when her dad arrived in his car. Seeing how numb her emotions were, her dad guessed what happened, scooped her up in arms and drove her home. Back in the 1940s, rape was not something that was openly discussed. And in her family’s Catholic church, it was an embarrassment to the family. So nothing was discussed, and she never told the police. She was content to simply watch Paul vanish out of her life, never to touch her again. Carrie returned to school and her family life, determined to move on and forget her time with Paul. Especially after the family found out he was a pathological liar, which explained a lot of why his stories didn’t add up.

But the memory of Paul would live on, because a few weeks later, Carrie discovered something. She discovered a life growing inside of her. A little baby that 20-year-old Carrie could not support. She turned desperately to God, unsure of what to do. Her three sisters will tell you this day that all Carrie ever wanted in life was to be a mom. Here was her chance! But, after 8 months of fervent prayer, and working with her mom and dad to get a nursery all set up, she clearly heard God tell her that this baby wasn’t hers. There was another couple who had prayed desperately for a baby of their own, and this was the baby God wanted to give them. Much to her parents chagrin, Carrie announced she was giving the baby up for adoption.

And so in Carrie’s 21st year, she gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl. This girl would be held briefly by Carrie, and then by Carrie’s dad, before being handed off to the nurse and taken away, never to be seen by Carrie again. After a few weeks in a foster home, the call came. The little girl was flown to Grand Rapids, MI where a mom, a dad, and a 3-year-old boy were waiting for her.

And she was named Melinda Ann.

*name was changed to protect the individual
Why do I believe?

I woke up today, not feeling well and also still sad about the changes that are happening in my life during these next few weeks. But I still believe...I believe because God is good, and because he has shown me in the past that no matter what happens in this world, he is in the midst of it all. When things go beautifully and your heart is so full you feel it could burst – God is present. When we perceive that the world is closing in on us and we don’t have the strength to get through what life throws at us – God is present.

And this is what I am holding onto today. That God is here, with me. That while he won’t remove the circumstances or the pain, he will endure it with me.

And for now, that has to be enough. It has to be. It’s only when I won’t let it be enough that I turn from him.

As one friend leaves, and a new sense of home will be formed, I take comfort in lyrics from a song I like: “Slowly, strangers turn to friends and welcome me to this colorful world.” Every person we meet is an opportunity: an opportunity to make a stranger a friend, a chance for heaven to come to earth, an opening for redemption to step in, for pain to be healed, for love to be shared. Recently a group of people I met opened up my eyes to more of the beautiful colors God has designed into this world: colors of laughter, love, joy, dedication, loyalty, and the pursuit of God. Add that to the colors he has shown me here, with my friends and job, and the array of brilliant colors flash into a kaleidoscope that lifts the heart when it is low.

So, may God’s love be with you this day. Keep your chin up, because you can make it through. (And believe me, this as much for me as for you!) :)


Monday, November 13, 2006


She sits at the computer, her short brown hair secured in a small knot at the nape of her neck. Her glasses repeatedly slide down her nose, as if the tears create a clear path for those glasses to descend. The head tells her one thing, the heart, another.


Another tear falls onto the keyboard as she types. Her small, individualistic world took a hit today. Three and a half years ago, God brought her a very special gift. A friend whom God would use to restore her faith in people, a friend who would stand by her side when tough times hit, a friend who would navigate the waters of life and faith with her.

The screen gets blurry through the tears…

But today, today her friend announced his leaving. God has called him and his wife to a new place, a new promise, a new calling.
Enter reality. The girl typing? Me. The person leaving? My best friend B.

Over the past few years, God has brought people into my life to teach me new things about who he is and who he isn’t. People who he has used to show me how to trust, how to love, how to forgive, how to believe in myself, how to move past fear, and how to trust God for my future.

And now one of the people who God has used most in my life, is leaving. And I know it’s for the best, and I know it’s a part of God moving me toward the next part of my journey, but it’s still sad.

Amazingly enough, I sit here with tears and a little bit of sadness, but I also have more peace and calm in my soul than I have had all year. God works in incredible ways.

“Thank you Lord for giving me the time with B that I’ve had, and thank you for using him as such an instrumental part of my life. I thank you for such a gift, and I ask you to help me in the next few weeks to give me the strength I need to get through. Please continue giving me the peace I need, and help me be the kind of friend B is to me.”

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Final post on the trip to Nashville...I think...

Things I Learned Alone with my Thoughts at Night
God loves me, and always provides for me.

I am getting better at letting people in, but still need to learn to ask for help.

Getting away from ‘everyday life’ is so refreshing, and prepares us to give even more when we return.

Someday, I’ll get the guts to follow my dreams…

My personality is one that could easily live from excitement to excitement…but it’s the times in between that God can teach me a lot.

God has bigger dreams for me than I have for myself.

Pretty much, I learned that I think. A lot. Basically, you could call me explorative and philosophical. Take it or leave it.

I am thankful God created me when he did, how he did, where he did, and for the purpose he did. Constantly, I am reminded how each detail had to come together to form me into the woman I am; the woman he wants me to be.
And I will walk on water, and you will catch me if I fall.
And I will get lost into your light, and everything will be alright.
(Lyrics from a song called 'Storm'.)

I have to believe that things will be alright. That God will lead me through this minor storm. But, it's still not easy. I got some news today I wasn't expecting, and not only that, but I feel the person handled the situation quite poorly, and that ticks me off. I still love this person, but am a little let down.

Sweet, now the song Forever (Ben Harper) came on. I'm playing my meloncholy songlist tonight apparently...and that's great for the attitude. :)

Anyways, as I was saying...it can be hard sometimes to not freak out when life throws you curveballs. And I have to trust God, I have to. He knows what he's doing: he has so far, and he will continue to. But it still sucks, and it still scares me because I believe this is part of pointing me down the road to the next stage of my life...

Hope you had a great Saturday, I can't believe the weekend is almost over and that tomorrow Sara has to go home. :(

Saturday, November 11, 2006

I interrupt this blog series from my Nashvegas trip with breaking news...

#2 Michigan will play #1 OSU next Saturday!!! Both are undefeated, and whoever wins will advance to the national bowl.

I can't wait!!!!!

Sara and I watched the game at BW3s and had a fabulous time...cheering for our favorite team, UofM. I love sports, but now I smell like smoke. It's so hot. :) j/k

Alright, tomorrow afternoon I will be back on here with hopefully more thoughts will get y'all thinking as well. :0)


Friday, November 10, 2006

Lessons Learned in Drew’s Kitchen

Love is patient. And love is kind.

Risks are worth taking.

Never let go of a friend, no matter how many miles separate you.

Don’t be afraid to be real with people.

Boys + Dishwashing = Priceless

God loves me.

Single parents deserve so much grace, love and respect. They truly are stronger than any of us, either by nature or through the situation.

There are bad things in this world, but God overcomes them all.

Southern hospitality is an extremely beautiful part of God’s creation. I am thankful that hospitality is one of my gifts and passions.

We (women) are precious. We should delight in who we are, and never forget how precious God made us.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Things I Learned at Church (11/05/06)

God is found wherever you seek him.

You don’t have to agree with the pastor or love the worship music to have a heart-changing experience with God.

I really (really really really) like music. :0)

When someone sings to God, their voice is beautiful, no matter what.

I don’t agree with pastors preaching politics.

Ada Bible is awesome. I don’t think I will ever find another church that I love so much. But that begs the question; do I love the church for the right reasons? Has it become an idol? But I digress…

I am glad I am evaluating my beliefs in areas like salvation, evangelism, social justice, end times etc. But church reminded me this week when all is said and done, I shouldn’t get too caught up in the technical details…

Experiencing how others worship Jesus is a powerful thing.

Everywhere in Nashville is someone just waiting to be discovered as the next big thing…

It’s amazing: someone can attend a strong complementarian church and end up egalitarian. And vice versa. And many people don’t even know what they believe, let alone why. It’s amazing.

The utmost respect goes to pastors – they have an extremely challenging job.

I love Jesus. More than life, more than friends, more than work, more than security, more than happiness, more than sunshine, more than laughter, more than joy, more than love itself; I love Jesus.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Things I learned at Fido

Every person you meet is a potential friend.

Hip is where you make it.

Chai tea is not something to order on a date, unless you think that the little pieces of cinnamon that get stuck in your teeth are super attractive. :)

I love hugs. I hug my friends a lot, but not enough. Hugs are great for hellos, good-byes, I miss you, and I appreciate you.

Every city has a Fido.

Nashville is a beautiful city.

God works in our heart everywhere. At any time, any place, with any person, he can work in our hearts.

When we have true community, a piece of heaven comes to earth. (Rob Bell must get some of this credit…without my one significant forgiveness conversation with him; I wouldn’t be the person I am with this viewpoint).

I love people.

I want to make a difference in this world.

God is preparing me for something.

Friends. Are. Priceless.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

So, I come back from my 'retreat' to:
Getting my house ready for my friend Sara to come visit
Bills due
Friends here I have neglected for too long
A church I miss more than words can describe
Expense reports due at work
Sales Conference next week
Homework due tomorrow night and a quiz on Thursday night
And yet…my thoughts will consume me if I don’t get them down on paper.
So, with that in mind, join me on the journey from this past week.

Lessons Learned on the Road
People are incredible. They have a resilience that is unfathomable. We’re made in the image of our God, and he has unfathomable resilience as well. Proof: He still loves us.

Speeding tickets can happen anytime, anywhere.

Love is alive in my heart.

Friends need freedom to grow and spread their wings.

I love who I am. And I believe I am worthy of love. I can’t wait for someone to see that as well, and to pursue that.

Pain can be turned into beauty by God.

It doesn’t matter if not everyone likes you. What does matter is that you are true to yourself, no matter what happens.

You’ve got to follow you’re heart, at all costs.

Love is scary. It’s a choice, and the other person can choose no. But, we move on, we press on, and we are healed. Healing is beautiful.

Raw honesty can scare people, but those who accept it and share it too, are too few & far between on this planet. I want to be that kind of person.

I want to live purposefully every day. I want to pursue fierce loyalty, a listening ear, an open heart, the presence of God. Because that is the kind of person I want to be.

Sometimes, you’ve got to do what you need to do, no matter if it doesn’t make sense to those around you.
"Possibly the most dangerous word in the English language is tomorrow. It implies that we have a choice to place would-be painful experiences into the uncontrollable abyss that we call the future." - John Ortberg

Monday, November 06, 2006

Lessons Learned - the opener.

I just wanted to let you all (3 of you!) know that I am starting a small series on my blog this week, each day titled lessons learned...and then from where. Some will be on the road, people's houses, restaurants, etc. All of them are from my vacation to Nashville.

Starting tomorrow...

Good night,

I want it. I saw it tonight.

It's real. It's within my grasp. I am pursuing it from here on out.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

So, I've got to think some things out, and this weekend has been a good start to that. I am currently in Nashville, TN. My favorite city in the US. It's Ok if you think that's weird, because many a person does not understand why it is my favorite. They haven't felt the Nashville sun on their face. Or met the wonderful people with more hospitality than any one person knows what to do with. Or walked along the river and felt peace like you rarely find in a hustlin' bustlin' city.

I've had alot on my mind. Cryptically, all I can tell you is that God is working in my heart big time. He is preparing me for something, though I don't know what. And some of it hurts - it hurts when something is stripped from you. And some of it is freeing - it's amazing when God takes chains from around us. Most of it is scary and anxiety-inducing, because I just want to know what He wants of me. And what He wants me to do, go, be.
But the joy is in the daily journey, and this weekend I am taking time out of my regularly busy, over-scheduled life to find joy in friendships, love in the little things, and excitement in the new.

Thanks for joining me on this journey...

I am here. And it is wonderful!

Kim is the coolest! She drove all through the night, and we each were up for 34 hours+!!!! I never even did that in college; nor did she! KJ rocks.

We've had a great time. We're still friends. :) Last night Cam threw us a party, and it was awesome. I met Drew, Caroline, Katie, Britney, Sunny, Rory, Darcy, Cynthia, and Sally. They are awesome people, and they love Cam so much. There is nothing better than seeing true community take place.

Right now, I am praying that God would guide me. I resign my entire life to him, and I trust him to direct my path for the best. But coming here is hard - I miss Cam back in GR, and I want to be part of the vibrant life that I see here in Nashville in all of my groups of friends here.

Hopefully this weekend I have made more friends who will be a part of my life journey, and I will be a part of theirs. I love people, and I love being a part of a community that can admit they are broken and flawed, but love each other through it all.

Amen? Amen!