Oh, the randomness...

Just my thoughts on life, love, and the pursuit of Jesus.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

"It's only love if you can tell me no."

Powerful words from a sermon a couple weeks ago that really grabbed my attention. God didn't force us to follow him, obey him, trust him, or choose him. That wouldn't be love. Love is only love when we have a choice to say 'no'.

I would say that this is definitely something I didn't understand until about 3 years ago, something I didn't want to accept until about 1.5 years ago, and something I didn't like until about 3 months ago.

You see, I have always been so scared of people 'abandoning' me. You know, being a great friend for a while and then poof! moving on to someone or something else. And I really started working through that, and trusting people again, and then when this sermon hit my ears, I realized something. I have arrived. Not Arrived - we will never fully Arrive. But I have arrived at a place where people don't have as much power over me to hurt me or scare me anymore. Yes there are days, but overall, if I am in a meeting and I feel criticized or attacked from those who are supposed to care about me, it no longer hurts like it used to. It hurts, but in a healthy way.

Because they have a choice.

They have a choice to love me for the good and the bad, the great days and the not-so-great ones.

And they have a choice to change their mind about me. A choice to not think the friendship is worth it anymore. A choice to tell me no.

And you know what? That actually feels good.

Because I have learned how to love. I have learned how to let go when the person says no.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Wow, it's been a while! Update on the AutoShow - I am sure it rocked, but I wasn't able to see it. I tried driving over to Detroit City on Friday night, in the midst of a winter storm coming in from the south. My car spun off the road, into the median, where I calmly waited for an hour for the wrecker to come and get me out of the ditch, back on I-96 WEST so I could head back to GR instead. I was only 25 miles away from GR, so I figured my safest option, the most likely wy to spare my life that night, was to simply head home.

I was so bummed. If anyone went, let me know how it was!

In other news....
1) Church ROCKED as always
2) LOST will be an intense and exciting episode this week
3) I finished stripping the wallpaper from my hallway, and getting the glue off the walls.

That's it for now.
Hey, if anyone likes good books that make you think, chuckle, and discover new (sometimes useless) facts, check out Freakonomics. (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/006073132X/sr=1-1/qid=1138038310/ref=pd_bbs_1/102-1736935-7157757?%5Fencoding=UTF8)


Monday, January 16, 2006

North American International Auto Show

Yup - I am going to the De-troit Auto Show this Saturday!!!! I am SOOOO excited! It's funny - I am not really a car buff, but I grew up in a Ford family and we went every year. My dad would walk around, looking at other cars "look at that instrument panel. I tried to do that but was told it couldn't work..." or "wow, look at how they did that! what kind of spring-load is it?" I usually just ran around looking at the cool cars, oohing and ahhing and touching.

Now that I am older, I appreciate the beauty of a car (or track, SUV, hybrid, whatever) much more. I understand now the beauty of a team of engineers working with designers working with marketing to put together this fantastic vehicle that gets me from place to place every single day.

And now that I work in marketing, I can tell you that last year Jeep had a fantastic display. And that Volkswagen had the best dressed employees, and the most responsive.

I just really love the auto show, and take such pride in coming from Detroit area, home of the automobile industry. This year should be great as well - I keep checking out the photos online. Did I mention how much I love the De-troit auto show?


Thursday, January 12, 2006

LOST - psalm 23

For any of you who missed LOST last night...all I can say is, what a shame for you. It was incredible. And moving.

And they quoted the King James....if it would have been TNIV, it would have been perfect.



Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Word. So, it is bedtime, but I wanted to say a thank you to God for this beautiful day. Another chance to make a difference and change the world in whatever way I can. It feels good to know that tonight I took some time for myself. Balance is a tough thing for me.

And, it feels good to thank God for my friends. I am so blessed to be cared about by y'all. I hope you know how much I love you too.

Please pray for brother's gf right now as life throws her some curveballs. Thanks.

Good night, world.
"You can't handle the truth!"

Yup, remember that line? Jack Nicholson delivers it with such passion and fierceness. I feel like I was sitting where Tom Cruise was last night. I heard truth, and honestly felt like I heard a voice mocking me saying, "You can't handle the truth!"

I am glad I heard the truth, no matter how painful. But one of the first times in a while, I am not sure I want to fight to change that truth. Oh, I don't know. What a great start to the day - debating whether or not I can even handle the truth, let alone what I am going to do about it.

Hope y'all are having a great Wednesday!

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Lighter Stuff....

I feel like all my posts so far have been very heavy, so here's to something lighter!

i am home from work today, taking a half sick day. it was awesome - I slept til noon, and feel much better. Plus, i still got tons of work done, while enjoying my favorite tunes at eardrum-breaking level. Awesome.

You know, I will say, that is one thing that amazes me. When I work from home, I get more done in a day than two days in the office, and all while usually taking my lunch to watch Days of Our Lives (for all who missed it, today's was amazing!) and listening to my favorite jams. But, then the office has to survive a day without my wonderful personality and witty humor...LOL

Hope you all are doing well, and enjoying this day that God gave us!
More deep thoughts later...

Sunday, January 08, 2006

I made the sermon.

yup, finally. I attend Ada Bible - a church of around 4,000 people. And tonight, the sermon opened with a story told about me, Melinda at Zondervan.

It was kinda cool, and very funny. He even mentioned the two guys from RELEVANT that had dinner with us in Atlanta, and that was cool too that one of my pastors remembered that evening.

But here's the kicker: God is all about irony. The sermon that was 'inspired' by me, was in no way how I have been living my life these days. Wow. That hit home pretty hard and pretty fast.

"Our mission is to enhance the reputation of our Lord Jesus - we are the temple." As part of the Church, that is part of my mission. But am I enhacing the reputation of my God?

Am i enhancing His glory when on a bad day, all I do i think about myself and how bad I have it? And I forget about the friend in Brazil who will be lucky to have a job once my Dad leaves, or the AIDS victims in Africa (and all around the world). Or the friend living in a city that seems so unfriendly right now. Or the girl at church who is dying from leukemia, and hopes to graduate high school.

Am I enhancing God's reputation when I think mean thoughts about others, regardless if I voice them? When I waste the time He has allotted me on this earth? When I spend my money on things I don't need, instead of giving it to help others in life?

Am I really giving being a Jesus-follower a good name when I hold grudges against my boss and resist submitting to his authority, though that is what the Bible tells me to do!? When I talk about people behind their back?

Or even more frequent: when my need to look out for myself and my life takes over the need to let God take control and use me how He sees fit, even if that means by being behind-the-scenes, without visibility. When I get so wrapped up in how life should be instead of saying "Ok, if it should be that way, then how do I either 1) accept it the way it is or 2) do what is within my power to make it that way?"

Sometimes the breaking of your heart can be a beautiful sound, as David Crowder sings in one of his latest songs. And that is when God breaks it with the things that break His.

I am honored that I get the chance daily to enhance God's reputation, and thankful that I have His grace since daily I will fail.


Friday, January 06, 2006

Garden State vs. Millennialism...

Seems random, I know. But here's the thing about it all: I am not sure both can reside inside of me at once. My Millennialism tells me that I should be happy and tolerant an accepting of all things, and never have a bad/depressing day. But that is not what is going on in my mind right at the moment - in fact, currently I am questioning everything about my life: my job, my church, my friends, my location...

But at the same time, I was put on some medication that 1) didn't heal the problem it was supposed to and 2) put me in altered state of being. I was sluggish, unhappy, didn't want to get out of bed...all the common signs of depression. FInally, I decided that even if my emotions were a bit more roller-coasterish without any meds, I would rather feel than not feel at all. And apparently this is "so Garden-State of me."

So, can I hold onto my hopes and dreams about what I can do in the time God grants me on this earth, and believe in the good of others and in myself, while at the same time wrestling with deep, potentially life-changing issues that have me bordering on cynicism and hopelessness?

Not looking for an answer, just a place to get these thoughts on the table...