"If you're exhausted from just trying to keep the hamster wheel of life turning, you're never going to enjoy the ride."

Hmmm...that hits home. Alot. Yup. Wow. I have indeed reached a place over the past 3 weeks where I was running in that hamster wheel and sure enough, have not been enjoying life. I don't even feel as though I have been living my life.

Time for a change. I am going to learn to slow down and say no. To take some time for Melinda. To refresh. Renew. Recharge. Reclaim my life.

Starting tomorrow...

:)

Well friends, I'm gonna be honest with you here. I need to slow down. I sit here and think of all the tasks that must get done at work, at home, at school, and in my personal life...and I realize God has no way in to me right now. I mean, he can always get my attention...but the 'still, soft voice' would not be heard through all the clutter in my life. Setting aside time to be in community with God is something I've not been making a priority the last many weeks...

I just got done reading an interesting product that focuses around the different topics in the Bible that Jesus spoke about. It is just his words, speaking to me about love, grace, forgiveness, justice, pain, suffering, sorrow, responsibility, faith, trust, hope, joy, perseverance, being a good neighbor etc. And man, I realize so much of who I want to be, and how much it isn't enough to just desire to be that way - I can only become that way through practice. I must take my desires to be a woman of integrity and put those thoughts into action.

On a related note...
The following quote was in an article I read quite a while ago, but the words still speak to me. (although I should say that what spoke to me in the 1st paragraph was the idea of being healthy through having a clear perspective of myself...and not thinking about it making me the 'one everyone wants to be around'. The tone of that didn't seem to match the other tone of the article...) The second paragraph describes the kind of person I want to be. Enjoy!

"In any relationship between marital partners or friends, family members or co-workers, the person who gains a clear perspective on herself or himself is always viewed as the healthiest, the most attractive, and the one everyone wants to be around.

Why is this so? Simply because these people create an atmosphere of honesty. Because they can admit where they have deficiencies and areas that need to be developed, they make it possible for others to deal openly with their own set of issues and problems. They take all the need to compare away. They remove the frustration and threat of being in relationship with them, because they do not hold themselves up to be perfect."

So, first off, I am testing my Google Alert...so...let me just say that I LOVE my new audio Bible...The Bible Experience! It's awesome - seriously, it does come to life like I have never personally experienced. And it is already helping me to learn the Bible even more. And to memorize certain key verses, in their context, and eventually build so that I learn/memorize chunks of Scripture at a time. Awesome!

And, that's really it. I will admit I am extremely worn out right now. Emotionally getting kinda spent, physically exhausted (my body let me know that yesterday with a major migraine), but spiritually on fire. I just need a break, from, something. I am not sure what, but something. That, or this is an awesome opportunity for God to show his power through my weakness and exhaustion. I pray he will use me to be a light to others, even when I would rather give in and be self-focused and think only of myself: I hope God never stops challenging me to think of others first.

Anyways, I am at work still, wrapping up my last task for the day so i can go running!
Peace out!
-Melinda

Here is my encouragement for the day, from my daily TNIV verse email:

"So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised."
-Hebrews 10:35-36

Take care, all. I am really sad right now as a bunch of changes happen in my life, but that just means I am more the determined to encourage those around me.
Happy Monday!

All I can say is this:

Sometimes I wish I could know what God's reasons are for the paths our individual lives take, but then I remember I coudn't understand it even if he told me, and that this is a day-by-day journey, and I don't need to know.

I guess I will try to not worry about what my future holds, but instead draw closer to God and trust in him to take care of my every need. Anyone with me? It's about the journey, folks. Maybe it took me 24 years to learn that, but I see it now to be true. It's about the journey.

"I don't wanna get over you. I tried it a thousand times, it don't matter what I do.
I don't want to get over you...I can't get you off my mind, I thought it was time you knew."

Just needed to use those song lyrics to purge my mind of someone. Mm-hmmm....gotta love the Calvin days. People we loved, people who now live all across the globe, all working for God's glory. I am humbled to even be a part of God's redeeming work in this world, and amazed to be part of the great cloud of witnesses. Seriously. I don't deserve it.

And that is why it is called Grace.

Wow.

For once I don't feel as though I have alot to say. My mind is a-jumble with thoughts like "what am I doing here? What is it God wants from me? That he wants me to do with my life? How am I lucky enough to have such amazing friends, who actually love me even though I can be difficult, stubborn, annoying, dominating, weird, dorky, nerdy, loud, rude, self-seeking, etc.? When will the pain in this world be taken away? What is the next big trial God is going to lead me through? Why do relationships have to be so complicated?"

And, I really don't want to do my homework. I think a nap sounds great...
Later!

First off, totally read this in Chandler's voice (from Friends):

"Could my life BE any more confusing?"

That's all i can say right now because I am up north, working since I decided to take any extra vaca day tomorrow, and I am stealing wireless on my neighbor's porch. Awkward.

But honestly, I don't know that I have ever had so many conflicting thoughts swirling around in the vortex of my brain. Help!!!